Debate

If a marriage is based on a lie is it a marriage at all?


Debate/discuss- all adults yadda yadda yadda play nice.

I think it really depends on what the lie is. What lie are we talking about here?

it could be any kind of lie really.

Could be that you married for money not love but the other person thinks you're a total match made in heaven.

Could be that you cheated on your partner the entire relationship (dating/engaged) and continue to do so into marriage.

it really could be anything.

I would say no it would not be a marriage. I say that because if you got married due to a lie then its not a marriage at all because there are no feelings there for the marriage they are only there because of the lie...if that makes any sense?!?!

Ok, so we're talking about something more than lying about your age. Sorry

Anyway, I feel that a marriage based on that kind of lie cannot possibly survive. There would be no real love there and one person or another is going to be devastatingly hurt by it.

lol....adult yada yada yada lmao

I'm with Leighann. A marriage based on a lie isn't a marriage.

....yeah, I am with Dallas and Leighann, you are supposed to trust your husband/wife and laying isn't the way to be trustworthy.

im with the girls... someone is bound to get hurt in the end.. if you lied coming in then its time to fess up and see where it goes from there... the maybe the two can work it out

It wont work out if there are serious lies kept away from each other present in the relationship

but if the guy or girl depending on whose doing the lying will never really know that their marriage is based on a lie. Unless the one lying comes clean.

I just think its a sad state of affairs where you have to lie to your husband or wife every day for the rest of your life- it must be awfully stressful given that you have to be aware of not letting anything slip.

I wouldn't want to be in that kind of relationship anyway- I love my husband but I couldn't marry him just for money or whatever. I need someone that actually stimulates me which conversation etc not someone who I will probably end up resenting.

I agree with Lindz. It's not something that can't be worked out between two people. It's not like people haven't started or are in successful relationships or marriages that were based on lies. If it's meant to be there will be a desire work on it and with enough effort and committment from both people it will work. However Ashley is also correct. Perpetuating the lie(s) isn't a good idea. Lies aren't exactly the type of strong foundations that are needed to support a marriage. Now just tell Billy that you will never be as happy with him as you would with Michael Hall so that the poor man can move on already.

Michael Hall whose that? I think you're confusing your fantasies with my reality

Also I am willing to bet that it would take a helluva lot for people to work it out especially if someone has been continually cheating the entirity of their relationship.

How do you work it out from there?

I mean mistakes can happen etc- but to cheat all the time? To me that says I don't want to be married but I don't want to be alone either so I have no issues f***ing over my partner so I can be a selfish ass and get what I want*.


*Which is applicable to both sexes not just female or male.

Michael C. Hall. Sorry. I should have put the C. in there. He's the actor that plays Dexter. I thought about putting Michael Buble down, but I'm still upset over recent engagement. [/threadjack]

Anyways, I'm coming from the standpoint of cutting the bullshit and confessing the lies. Perpetuating them is not going to help your marriage. It will end. Then you have the situation of only one person will TRULY knowing why the relationship is ending. Even in the case of widows finding out that their deceased spouse cheated or had a hidden child before they married, or just went to Mexico a few times and didn't tell them about it; there is a HUGE sense of betrayal that will ruin the marriage (especially since the spouse is dead and can't explain/defend their actions).

I'm not saying that it wouldn't take a lot of time/work/effort/concessions/cooperation/ect. between the couple, because the fact is that it will. I'm just saying that it's not impossible. People don't have to continue living their lies and fearing exposure. That's not being in a healthy relationship, nor is it healthy for the person. The guilt and stress will affect them in all areas of their life. I'm saying that they should 'fess up, accept the consequences and work their ass off trying to make things work.

There are tons of relationships where infidelity is a constant presence and yet they manage to function. They might not be at the same level of happiness that you or I would desire in our own relationship, but if that's what the couple wants to settle for, then let them go for it. You can't save/rescue the world's dumbasses from their own stupidity no matter how much you want to.