Debate #3

If your partner was cheating on you and your friends knew would you want them to tell you? Or would you rather stay ignorant and never know but potentially find out at a later date?

Which would hurt more? Being told right away or not being told and then finding out later and that everyone but you knew?

In the same note would you tell your friend if you knew?

I would want my friends to tell me, and I'd tell my friends, no matter how sucky doing so would be. If my friends didn't tell me, then who would I be able to trust? Not my s/o or my friends. I would know my friends would have my best interests at heart.

I would want my friends to tell me because they are my friends and should be looking out for me. Also if I found out they knew afterward I would be ticked and have to think about if they were really a friend at all. I would want to know right away so that I could get out of the relationship sooner.

I would want my friends to tell me, because I would feel doubly betrayed if they didn't and they knew and then I found out. However, how would you decide who to believe? how would your friendship ever be the same? Unless they had absolute proof that the spouse cheated. But other then video or circumstanial proof of it?

I would speak my piece to my friend, but I think I'd do it in such a way that I'd either tell them its your choice to believe me or not I'll support you either way. Because mistakes can be made, its when they happen multiple times that it can be an issue.

I would want my friends to tell me but if they did not I dont think I would be angry because I know its a hard place to be.

No one wants to be the person to set a great deal of pain on your friend.

Well being in that situation I would rather be told then be in the dark about it. It isn't an easy thing to have to tell a friend but it is worse to not tell them. I had to find out from a complete stranger and have actually thanked him for letting me know because it is better to hear the truth and be able to start healing then to continue to be lied to.

I think Im with Jeni, I would want to told but I wouldn't hate my friends or be angry if they didn't because I know it would be a difficult thing to tell someone.

I dont want my friends to tell me, i wouldnt want that stigma to constantly hang over our friendship "so you the one who told so and so that her spouse what cheating". there is a certain impression that it will leave and our friendship will never be as it once was...
and
Who are you to ruin a relationship, a family, or a life? What gives you the right to air out someones dirtly laundry, even if you know... they will get caught eventually, let them do it on their own regard, and do not intervene in others lives. infidelity affects everyon, an entire family, the immeadiate and extended... do you really want that on your concience the rest of your life...
and
wheres your proof? did you see the act of sex take place? or did you hear it from another party? or did you see something that you thoutht was wrong that could have been different then what it seemed... ie... my neighbor seen me hugging and loving all over some dude and crying about him leaving.... told everybody i was a whore... truth be told it was my little brother and I was sad to see him go....
not everything is as it seems, people should learn to mind their own business, and not invite themselves into ongoins of others lives...
and last but not least...
what if you are wrong... what if the spouse wasnt cheating but the friend believed you over him... then what do you do... you just changed their entire life and destroyed their trust in one another and in the end you were wrong...

that is a lot of weight for a person to carry on their shoulders.

well said Kendra!

In my case my best friend had a graduation party and my ex brought the girl to the party and yes she knew for sure because she caught him in the act. I know it weighted on her mind for a while but she finally decided to tell me. I don't think there was any stigma over our friendship, it wasn't her fault that my ex was a slim ball. And again I was happy when Joey told me about this time. I wish I had found out from my ex but that was never going to happen. Both times there was signifigant evidence.

oh Emily I see your point of wanting a friend to tell you, I just think if they dont I'm not going to get mad if I find out they knew because of the fact I'm not sure I have the balls to break my friends heart if I knew something

I am with Karla!

I see both sides of this, I understand that a) it could be someone just causing trouble but also b) its a very close friend who just wants to do what's right.

I think that there's probably a balance there somewhere but I'm not sure what it would be. But if your partner was cheating would you want to know or would you like to live in the ignorance of not knowing?

I'm not sure myself.

yeah you got me here I dont know

me either thats difficult. I know I dont want to be with someone who would cheat on me. If he did end up cheating I wouldnt trust him and I wouldnt be happy, therefore, unhappy with him. I would want to get out of the relationship and try to be happy even if I loved that person with all my heart. There wouldnt be any hope if I knew that the relationship would work out.

If you are going to tell me then you better have proof to back it up. There are so called "friends" out there that like to start rumors over little things. Or situations they know nothing about. All i ask is make sure you know exactly what your telling me, from start to finish.